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[10 Feb 2006|08:50pm] |
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this week was like no other. Not in a good way unfortunatley! i dont know it sucked so bad and i sound like such an emo freak! but i woke up and i literally wanted to just b knocked out back in my bed because i didnt want to get up and have to pick something out to wear to school that would make me look decent i didnt feel like putting makeup on n i didnt feel like just laying in my bed either bc that would force me to think about all the things that really suck. I dont know what my deal is i'll b so miserable but i will look so happy, and i'll laugh and sometimes i come really close to even convincing myself but no, im not happy. I guess i seem like someone who wears their emotions on their sleeve bc im usually happy/hyper but thats where u r wrong. Being happy n smiley is the cover, my emotions are no where near my sleeve. My parents REEMED me on wednesday night, it was so bad. I came home from yg, told my dad about how my life sucks, which i don't like to talk to my parents about but i was desperate, went to go upstiars but my mom was coming down n said "get back down here right now" n then she started yelling at me, and then my dad, who i just told all my problems to and how upset i was JOINED HER it was ...betraryl almost. jand usually they yell at me ioll get upset and then i get over it within 2 hours or so. It carried on...n its finally just going away tonight. They really know how to make me feel like ass. Cole is the only thing that keeps me going...that makes me get up in the morning even though i know i wont see him
anyway here i am friday night 9:00 sitting on my couch with my laptop pouring out all of this to...no body.. while everybody is at the basketball game, and im not bc tonight was my grandmas birthday. Which means i had to go to my grandma's for 5 minutes sit there n watch my parents hate my relatives which resulted in us leaving and me sitting here with them in bad moods...deee lish
so im watching the olympics that are in Torrino this year. Which is depressing because their is no place in the world i want to be more then italy! wen i get there for the first time i dont know what ill do, probably stand there and cry and just look at everything...but thats not for a while.
...i hate news casters who try to pronounce words like an italian, they suck
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[31 Jan 2006|07:12pm] |
i dont know if this works anymore
if anyone can read it
or if anyone wants to
im super depressed and i need an outlet. not one of my college applications is finished and i just fouund these "supplementals" that require an essay and if i dont send it in it basically means i have no chance of those colleges, if i have any chance left as of now that is
tomorrow is banquet and i dont want it to come because i don't want it to be over
and because my hair is gonna suck i dont know what makeup to wear and a butt load of more shallow reasons...thats sad
i still havent broken the ice to my mother that i actually wanna go somewhere afterwards...that'll b fun
i think i have met my husband...what!??! yah i know...psychotic...but i want to be with him always which is so scary
the only up side to my life as of now is im going skiing with my youth group this weekend. which actually has its down points
because it is my last youth group trip ever because im graduating and because it isnt really a religious trip at all...just mass in the morning, i feel ike i need the religious aspect in my life more then anything right now
oh heres the cherry, lenny will be there...so if i had any gleaming hope of leaving my problems behind..they are literally coming with me, thats a real blast
and while wallowing in my "misery" i checked profiles and....i saw things to christina and i realized i suck at life
it shouldnt b this bad in my eyes
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